Bastards - a banking coincidence

Well stab me with a spork - I only started the new blog yesterday and already I've got something to rant about. Thieving buggers Barclays, with whom I foolishly and shamefully bank, have reported disgusting record levels of profit on the very same day that Barclaycard stop my credit card for fear of fraudulent use thus sweeping their pointy stick through my magnificent spiderweb of online orders for essential travel goodies.


Where to begin... first of all, it turns out that there has been fraudulent use of my card. Someone has used it spend more than £500 with a company called ebuyer. Oh, and £2 with T-Mobile - with purchasing a ringtone striking me as about the least ambitious act of online credit card fraud ever. Wow, on the ball Barclaycard, lucky you stopped that happening. Only what? You didn't? No, you authorised those transactions and then declined all the legitimate ones I actually placed with reputable traders with whom I have accounts and have placed previous orders. At present, it would appear that the only way you can use my credit card is if you're not me.


But hold on, what's that? The charges from Amazon have both been authorised and declined? At the same time? Well, I can't see that online because with my credit card blocked I can no longer even look at my statement. And you can't tell me for sure, although you *think* it has probably gone through. Maybe, in a week or so, you'll have a better idea.


So at least, it will all be sorted then - oh, of course, it won't will it. Because then I have to start the process of proving that I didn't make the fraudulent transactions, working out what I have and have not been charged for and whether I have or have not received it, and then re-ordering the things that I haven't got and hopefully haven't been charged for.


This, apparently, is how one makes record profits.


Offering entertainment of a less poke-out-your-own-eyeballs variety is the ever-dependable Townsville Bulletin, august journal of my family's current home town. In a series of events that you could not, in any way, make up, they face the twin threat of kittens and crocodiles. Yes, if the plague of cats doesn't get you, the rogue reptiles will.

Fear the kittens of death, pictured left and appropriately captioned by the Bulletin as NATIVE BIRD KILLERS - the paper's caps, it goes without saying. Fortunately, Grrr saw instantly that this twin pronged attack could be dealt with in a single blow by feeding the NATIVE BIRD KILLERS to the rogue reptile thus ridding the town of plague and befriending a sated and subsequently un-rogue-like croc. In the words of genius: "Hey presto - everybody's happy."


My life would probably be immeasurably improved by replacing the mental health damaging escapades of fat-bastard banks with the threat of kittens and crocs.